Who I Am

Last week I struggled a bit with trying to define "who I am" - my husband was sick all week...yes I said all week! He was home from work and he couldn't drive and could barely stand or stay out of bed (he was suffering from vertigo... a first for us). So talking care of the kids plus a sick hubby led to  a very draining week.

As some of you may know I am staying home with the twins (for now) something I didn't do with Kendal or Madison - Going back to work was a choice I made based on a number of factors and I don't regret the decision to continue working nor do I regret my current decision to stay home with the twins.

I am very happy that our current situation allows me to stay home however, we have dreams and plans we want to fulfill for ourselves and our family which may lead me back to work in some capacity - I am also "OK" with this decision as well. So recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about what is it that I want to do.

All that a side the question "Who am I" a big struggle in my mind- I began to feel like I was just mom- the one that takes care of the kids the one that gets them on the bus and helps with homework. The one that changes diapers and teaches colors and shapes. The one that fixes dinner and does laundry. DO NOT GET ME WRONG... these things do not bother me and I do them gladly.. ok ok maybe they bother me some times, I mean it does get tiring being on call all the time. Am I the wife that takes care of her hubby when he is sick (and I mean sick) who make sure the kids are quiet so he can go to bed early because he has to go to work at 4am to provide for our family? Or am I the photographer the arbonne consultant the girl with two degrees and no job. Please understand this is not a pity me post or look what I can do post - its about real life and how we can sometimes get so caught up in what we have to do ... regardless of what that have to do is... we forget "who we are" at our core.

Even though I feel lost right now I do know a few things - I AM the mom that takes care of the kids the one that gets them on the bus and helps with homework. The one one that changes diapers and teaches colors and shapes... I am the wife that takes care of her hubby and keeps the kids quiet. I am the photographer and the arbonne consultant and yes I do have two degrees and NO I don't have a job. So while I don't know what I am going to do where I will work and maybe I don't know exactly "who I am" but I do know that sometimes clarity can come in the most unexpected places.

Here is where that clarity came from...My oldest daughter came home from an over night birthday party. They stayed in Orlando and I gave her some spending money. She walked in the door so excited to show us what she bought. She first gave a key chain to her sister, then a pin for her dad, and cups for her little sisters (because mommy you said they wanted to drink out of cups like us... her response when I asked her why she bought them), and a pink "superman" pin for me. And here is where the clarity comes in- I said thanks I love it- she said mommy do you know why I picked it for you? I said no and she replied- because mommy you are super mommy you do everything for us, if you weren't super mommy you couldn't do it. Ummmmmmm ok wow- first my ten year old takes the money I gave her for herself and spends it on her family and then she says that?!

It's absolutely amazing how things happen in your life right when you need them. I know that I am appreciated even if I am tired or get frustrated from time to time. Even if I don't exactly know where I will be in 12 months I know that I will always hold the best jobs there are...