14 Years!

Holy cow 14 years! My hubby and I have been married for 14 years and quite honestly it feels like we've only just begun. Like most married couples we have been through our share of ups and downs. Each time we had one of those downs we came out stronger than before, stronger in love and in faith. Our ups have been amazing and we know there are so many more to come. We've brought 5 beautiful daughters into this world and there's no one I'd rather raise them with.

So here's to another 14 years (and more) together and more getting to know each other, the best is certainly yet to come.

One Week Down - 4 days to go

Well, we made it a whole week without daddy! I kind of feel like I was brought right back to all the times of traveling in the past. But this time felt different, never mind the fact that there are two more little ones added to the mix; but I am also few (ok several) years older. I guess being older does in some ways make you wiser and all of those past experiences do help to make difficult times just a little easier.
I have to say the days kind of blurred together a bit and some days felt like I was in pure survival mode. Tuesday started with a  visit to the orthopedic doctor where I was told I needed to start Physical Therapy again and I had to wear a knee brace for the next 4 weeks. Fantastic - so all that sitting on the floor to change diapers and play and read books and more can no longer happen... Great! Wednesday and Thursday were full of homework, projects, and face time with daddy, not to mention the snotty noses and coughing. Friday we decided it was time to visit the doctor with the twins, one double ear infection, one sinus infection, and one upper respiratory infection later I knew it was the right choice to take them in. So now we have breathing treatments and medication added to the mix of mommy only duty.
Friday the twins went to stay the night with their Aunt Bridget and Uncle Ryan. Why is it so hard to let them go?? All week I was preparing myself for them to go its so strange- its not like  I was worried or anything but it just doesn't feel right not to have them with me! However, it was a much needed break and allowed for some alone time with Kendal and Madison. Subway for dinner and a few movies from redbox with candy and popcorn to round out our movie night. Did I mention Kendal  and I had our own little dance party to some 1D... apparently I need to learn how to flip my hair all over the place to keep up with her. It was a great night and a fun time with the two girls that started this whole mommy thing.

Even though the days seemed to run together and survival mode kicked in at times, I wouldn't trade those days for anything. The tough days allow me to grow as a mother, wife, and woman.

We can't wait for daddy to be home on Friday!

Christmas Eve

Another tradition in my husbands family is to host a Christmas Eve party each year. I remember when we first started dating I would go to church with his family then to their house for a party filled with a lot of people, a lot of food, and a lot of laughs. When I think of Christmas I always think of and remember these parties with such happiness. We knew after we got married that we would continue this tradition with our own family and friends. Shortly after moving to Florida we hosted our first Christmas Eve party with just us and one friend with their kids. This year we had our family plus 3 others as well as their children and another family friend. It was of course a great time with lots of laughs, with kids running and playing, and a lot of food. I wasn't feeling too hot (from the flu.. of course) but still managed to have fun time with our friends. I feel very fortunate to carry on this tradition and I can't wait to see how it grows in the years to come.

Who I Am

Last week I struggled a bit with trying to define "who I am" - my husband was sick all week...yes I said all week! He was home from work and he couldn't drive and could barely stand or stay out of bed (he was suffering from vertigo... a first for us). So talking care of the kids plus a sick hubby led to  a very draining week.

As some of you may know I am staying home with the twins (for now) something I didn't do with Kendal or Madison - Going back to work was a choice I made based on a number of factors and I don't regret the decision to continue working nor do I regret my current decision to stay home with the twins.

I am very happy that our current situation allows me to stay home however, we have dreams and plans we want to fulfill for ourselves and our family which may lead me back to work in some capacity - I am also "OK" with this decision as well. So recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about what is it that I want to do.

All that a side the question "Who am I" a big struggle in my mind- I began to feel like I was just mom- the one that takes care of the kids the one that gets them on the bus and helps with homework. The one that changes diapers and teaches colors and shapes. The one that fixes dinner and does laundry. DO NOT GET ME WRONG... these things do not bother me and I do them gladly.. ok ok maybe they bother me some times, I mean it does get tiring being on call all the time. Am I the wife that takes care of her hubby when he is sick (and I mean sick) who make sure the kids are quiet so he can go to bed early because he has to go to work at 4am to provide for our family? Or am I the photographer the arbonne consultant the girl with two degrees and no job. Please understand this is not a pity me post or look what I can do post - its about real life and how we can sometimes get so caught up in what we have to do ... regardless of what that have to do is... we forget "who we are" at our core.

Even though I feel lost right now I do know a few things - I AM the mom that takes care of the kids the one that gets them on the bus and helps with homework. The one one that changes diapers and teaches colors and shapes... I am the wife that takes care of her hubby and keeps the kids quiet. I am the photographer and the arbonne consultant and yes I do have two degrees and NO I don't have a job. So while I don't know what I am going to do where I will work and maybe I don't know exactly "who I am" but I do know that sometimes clarity can come in the most unexpected places.

Here is where that clarity came from...My oldest daughter came home from an over night birthday party. They stayed in Orlando and I gave her some spending money. She walked in the door so excited to show us what she bought. She first gave a key chain to her sister, then a pin for her dad, and cups for her little sisters (because mommy you said they wanted to drink out of cups like us... her response when I asked her why she bought them), and a pink "superman" pin for me. And here is where the clarity comes in- I said thanks I love it- she said mommy do you know why I picked it for you? I said no and she replied- because mommy you are super mommy you do everything for us, if you weren't super mommy you couldn't do it. Ummmmmmm ok wow- first my ten year old takes the money I gave her for herself and spends it on her family and then she says that?!

It's absolutely amazing how things happen in your life right when you need them. I know that I am appreciated even if I am tired or get frustrated from time to time. Even if I don't exactly know where I will be in 12 months I know that I will always hold the best jobs there are...

12 Years

Last week my  husband and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary! I think I should say that again because I some times don't believe it myself 12 Years!! It seems so long ago we got engaged and then married and it feels as though we were only children; in many ways we were! I was 23 and he was 8 days shy of 23. Although we have been marred for 12 years we have been a couple for nearly 18 years! We began dating in December of our senior year in high school... yes, high school sweet hearts!

We've survived a lot and by a lot I mean A LOT! He went to college in West Virginia I stayed in New York- we dated the entire time we were in college! We saw each other every few months on and on Holidays. We got engaged the summer of our senior year, I graduated a semester early and moved with him to West Virginia. Upon his graduation we moved to Virginia for a job he had already been offered. One year later in 2002 we got married~ We had our first Daughter 2 short years later in 2004. At the end of 2004 we moved to Ohio and had our second daughter in 2006.

in 2008 we found out Curt would be deployed (he's a civilian with the DOD) ~ I turned 30 that year, he left in 2009 and we both grew as individuals over the next three years of his deployment. In 2011 we moved to Florida ~ a few months later the deployment ended and we were a family once again.

I say all of this because ~ Well I think its important to be honest about myself and my marriage. Its great when you can see that two people have been married for 12 years and have 4 kids and it looks easy. Well I am sure as many of you know that its not~ Its not easy. We have to work at our marriage every day, sometimes its little things... like me speaking his love langue and hugging him or holding his hand and some times its big things... like "ok we need to talk before I lose it". But just because we work at it doesn't mean there is something wrong ~ it means we have learned along the way how to make a marriage work... how to make our marriage work. We were fortunate enough to attend a wedding last weekend and we had someone ask us how long we had been married and when we said 12 years - he responded by saying "well you made it past the average".. while that makes me happy and makes me smile that "we made it" I know the only reason we have is because we have learned life and marriage are not perfect and they likely never will be. But I don't think we would want them to be perfect otherwise how would we grow and learn, and how would we teach our children how to make a marriage work?

I thank God for the patience and understanding my husband has for me... boy do I thank him! But I also thank God everyday for the love we share and our willingness to know that we won't ever be perfect and that is just fine with us...